I have I have more breakups and more failures and my share of heartache beat
it I defy you to find anybody that's been rejected more than me no one
Thanks so much for tuning in again to our second act with Paige and Silke
today I'm happy to say that Treva Brandon Scharf and I even pronounce that
right isn't it that's a German Scharf she's staying with me for another
segment talking about finding love after 50 which we talked about in our last
segment I'll link to that Treva is a first-time bride after 50 and the reason
that is important is because she is now a dating coach and helping those of us
in that same situation you know whether you were never married whether you're
divorced whatever find love again after 50 and one big part of that obviously we
covered that this a lot on second-act TV in fact we had a video that that's still
out there getting you know hundreds and thousands of views and comments about
what men really think about women after 50 what do they want you apparently
researched that same thing you know what do men really think because a lot of us
believe that they want a younger woman talk to me about that and they do some
do it's sort of primal right you know men want younger women and women want
men with money I mean sorry it's that's sort of the the reverse right of that
and guys feel very insecure about that and women feel very insecure men feel
insecure about their bank accounts and money and women feel insecure about
their looks and their age um I can tell you that a lot of friends I have single
guy friends I have are over 50 now into their 60s including my husband and
here's the good news they all want women age-appropriate women and the ones that
don't want age-appropriate women are
I not yet done being single ... they're not there there there's
something I that it's okay now I shouldn't be so judgmental because I'm
not I don't want to again it you know what I said the first segment it doesn't
your choices don't make you a bad person just because you choose to be single
or you choose to want someone I mean listen I like older guys
I've always liked older guys I married a guy's six years older than me so that
that's my preference that's just sort of how I'm wired so there's nothing wrong
with wanting a younger woman but I would say the men that I know that
really good solid guys want age-appropriate women guys want women
who are solid it doesn't matter even what age you are here's what men like
women that are independent that aren't needy that aren't clingy that for lack
of a better word have their shit together yeah I would agree with that
okay in it if you if that makes you 39 and all of those things great but I also
think men over 50 want a woman who knows the Beatles and they want to know they
want to be able to talk about Eric Clapton's early days gee I mean I I I
just I think there is some commonality and common ground that makes it makes it
easier and men men date women that come to the table with some knowledge some
wisdom some life experience the very few rare if you want one that they can take
care of those are the ones I worry about a little bit because I wonder like why
would you want to take care of a full-grown woman um but there's that
savior complex I don't know ya know and and we you know we found the same thing
I have my set of girlfriends all of us got divorced after 50 and started dating
again you know it feel like we're back in high
school we never found that that that men really want much younger women maybe
like you said a few but all of us now have are in solid relationships
age-appropriate you know within well the same age just about I think I want women
to know that that it's not like that I mean you and I both and as well as you
know a host of our friends have had wonderful experiences with men you know
over 50 being perfectly fine with somebody your own age no there's nothing
sexier than a woman over 50 sorry they're just I I think they are the
total package because I you're not you don't have to train someone or teach
someone it's they come fully formed they're fully formed human beings and
they've got you know some wrinkles and some so what they're not twenty you know
so but that's that's a beautiful wonderful sexy thing and I just think
that if a guy I'm assuming I'm speaking to women right now if a guy wants a
younger woman he's not your guy he's not your guy you don't want that guy why
would you want to be with someone who wants doesn't want you why would you
want a guy that doesn't want someone with you know some age or some
experience or you know what why why would you want a guy who doesn't want
that and don't not in it's so important um
not to take it personally as real that is number one do not take a rejection
personally ever which is really hard to do but you're right it's hard to do I
it's death by a thousand cuts I mean I am listen man just because I you know I'm
somewhat decent looking and presentable and whatnot okay I have I have more
breakups and more failures and my share of heartache beat it I defy you to find
anybody that's been rejected more than me know
I got it and you know what in the beginning I hated it because you
want to be loved and you want to be accepted and approved
of in every way just because a guy didn't didn't mean there was something
fundamentally wrong with me it was just that it wasn't a match it just wasn't a
match so that's that's number one I don't even know what the original
question was but you know I I absolutely love talking to you this is almost like
there's nobody listening and and I think that's you know it's funny cuz you said
you were talking to women right now you we actually we always talk to women this
is what's so unique about this channel this channel is programmed for women and
but we have a higher larger male audience than we do women we've
done a few videos here and there that you know because of that you know that
are focused towards men but you know one thing that we never do is tell a man
what to do because one that doesn't work and we don't want to but we always we
want to hear from men as as we did in that video that I was describing as and
as you did in your article which you know we're not we're not sitting here
philosophizing about what men want we're reporting what was told to us and you
know and I think what I want to re-emphasize again is that you know for
women who are do feel insecure about being you know over 50 being out there
that men to all they want is young women it's not true there there is some truth
to some downfalls that women over our age perhaps bring to the table and you
alluded that briefly let's briefly talk about that because that's something we
can change we cannot change our age but we might be able to change some
behaviors that were described oh yeah I think you can change just about you
can't change a lot that you can change your thoughts your attitude and your
behavior I'm for sure that's all in your control you can also change you know to
the extent that you can or want to the way you look I mean I'm in the fitness
business I that's what I do for living I help people become the best versions of
themselves I help people achieve peak performance
in life and in love why not get the advantage you know why you got to make
an effort that's number one I mean I'm not placing too much emphasis on once
and the superficial but I am sorry it's true everybody wants an attractive
person everyone whether you're a man or a women that's universal everyone who
should look good they should try to look good they should make an effort big
that's huge first and foremost secondly is yeah
change your behavior change your attitude the older you get the more
bitter you become it's not a good look at all Chuck you better keep that shit
in check that is some that is man repellant and it's woman repellant you
know I I will tell you after dating so many divorced guys it became like this I
could smell it that broken smell that damaged smell of
damaged goods okay it stinks
and I'm not again I'm not criticizing guys because you've got all divorced
people and I hope to god I don't even I never know this you you're broken when
you're when you get divorced or you break up I mean it's just it is and
you've got to process it you have to work through it but it's also incumbent
upon you to get as healthy and whole again to put your pieces back together
again and allow the process to play out so it's not it you know it's being your
best the best you can do and after that f' it it you can't you
don't like me the way I am you ain't never gonna like me and that's what you
kind of have to say at the end of the day after you put forth effort after
you've tried hard after you've done you've checked off all the boxes if you
still don't want me your loss man okay your loss and it goes both ways men and
women yeah it goes both ways exactly Treva
that thank you so much like I said it's so wonderful talking to you it's
refreshing talking to you for one reason because you you fully admit you don't
have all the answers none of us do we right no but but I spent so many years
being single I got that down yeah exactly and we nobody's business yeah
and you can talk people through it you can be supportive you know I hope to do
a lot more interviews with you especially under better tech conditions
they won't wait to hear today you might we may show you a little outtake but
anyways you know this is this is like again I say it is what the punches it's
got one with the flow exactly this is a little microcosm whatever we will we
were yes we will link to all of your information to your podcast to your
blogs I encourage everyone to tune in listen subscribe do whatever it is a
Treva wants you to do because you're gonna want if you're in the situation of
finding love looking for love after 50 she's somebody that you gonna want to
connect with so Treva we'll look forward to seeing you next time on our
second act with Paige and Silke thank you so much this is great thank
you bye-bye for more videos on finding love after 50 please visit our website
2ndact.tv if you haven't already done so be sure to subscribe to our
channel buttons right over here thanks see you next time
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