welcome to the daily awesome podcast I am Steve Mayeda and today we're gonna
talk about confidence sex and masculinity male confidence and how we
tap into this this is like a big thing but we're not only gonna talk about it
in a way of defining it we're gonna talk about how to get it so it's really
important we're gonna go through all the steps in phases of how men deal with
this and where this actually comes from it comes from our call which is
happening live right now our men's development excellence call man it's an
amazing thing it's October 11th 2017 and we have 10 guys from all around the
world right now who are talking about this and we've discussed it pretty
heavily this is one of those things that comes up all the time about how can we
be a better man how can we get more women how can we have better sex how can
you feel confident in ourselves and it's routed all this crap look guys if you
want to plug into a community where we work through this and there's men who
tell the real story of how they've you know walked through life and gained
confidence that's exactly what we're talking about and that's the point of
this podcast to bring it to you guys so if you want to get involved if you want
to get involved in any of our free stuff is well free communities free video
courses video courses on getting in shape video courses on talking to women
ebooks so on all the sort of stuff man click the free stuff link down below and
get involved and of course of course subscribe to our youtube channel and
don't be a hater don't be hater some guys said oh if I
join your $60 a month Club is my life gonna get better haha yes it fucking
well man we're badass dudes we don't talk shit
online for a fucking way of asserting ourselves in any case let's get into
this so confidence people we all want it we want this this is something that we
look at so so much as men and the problem is is that it miss communicates
so what I want to break down now is part of the process and how we look to gain
confidence there's a group of men who we've all been in there and we can be
there again where we don't have confidence maybe in a certain area of
our life maybe that's starting a business maybe that's talking to women
maybe that's you know how we assert ourselves in front of other people but
we don't have a lot of confidence and when we don't have a
lot of confidence we look at confidence is this this thing which is unattainable
or its attained only through certain things and then there's this other group
of men who have it and they're saying things like oh man you just got to get
started now you gotta have faith in the system you got to get competent you got
a gained functionality you have to gain faith in self you have to be able to
assert you and be in the place at the right time and work hard and all these
other things and they don't communicate to one another so let's put this in
perspective the guy who doesn't have any confidence it's something new that he's
starting is listening to the dudes who do have confidence man they're gonna
hear things like okay if I just get started or if I just get to know myself
better man how is that gonna work or if I gain faith in the system or I gain
competency what's going on I want to win I want to make it happen so what we're
sharing here is the translation in between those two things because we've
just been discussing it heavily on this call but also in addition to that we
want to gain we want to define what confidence is so what is confidence
because the road to confidence how you get confidence is dependent upon knowing
what it is the best definition that I have for you today and we're always
working this we're always changing it because hey we're always working with
men and 24 hours a day and our groups but the thing is is confidence actually
is defined currently by myself and our groups as being able to be yourself
independent of your surroundings so that means that you can be yourself and be
who you are no matter what the challenges independent of the loss
independent of the win independent of of course the situation but what we tend to
make confidence about is the win the social acceptability or that if we have
a loss that somehow that affects our confidence in some way or if we go
through a way of life without winning that we won't have any confidence so if
confidence is this this sense of self this ability to be oneself you know
independent of our surroundings and you know when we're challenged at
high levels of our life then how do we get that how do we get that sense of
comfort that sense of who we are no matter what our surroundings are and
this is where things can get a little bit murky for a guy starting out on the
road so if you're starting out in any of your life whether that's you know dating
or man fitness or your mentality or your career
path or your relationship and so on what we need to shape as men what we need to
so that we can get in touch with our sex again so we don't have to reach out to
all these fantasy ideas of being a hero or being larger-than-life or gaining
power over women just to see you know to have them in our life or whatever it is
that we can relax and let our expression come out if you're a guy that is just
starting out on this road here's where you got to start number one is you have
to get the wins you have to get competent you have to gain functionality
in whatever area of your life you're looking to improve now we all see those
wins when we go like okay I'm gonna be on top we see winning as defined by our
pain and I'm not talking about that but we need to stop living purely out of our
pain and fear so our pain and fear tells us win win
win be the best be better than everybody so that we're not made fun of
we're not shamed we don't feel bad anymore and if I just get that I'm gonna
be happy that's not the case in fact the real cases is the road that gets you to
success is not going to be the same road that maintains that success so what I
mean by that is if you lose a bunch of weight through whatever diet you do you
know perhaps you cut your calories perhaps you go paleo perhaps you go
vegan but that's a big break that's a big shock and after about three months
or six months you're going to start to hit your ideal weight or however long it
takes maybe it takes a year two years and so on
but what keeps you at that weight is going to be much different if you want
to start making a bunch of money you're going to have to work work work produce
all this stuff you're gonna have to sell whatever it is that you're doing to make
money but what gets you there is not going to be the same which keeps you
there same goes for every single area of your life so what gets
you success is not what's going to maintain your success now that being
said we got to get some wins so what are these wins these wins are things like
this is working for me this is allowing me to start having faith in the system
which is the next phase of it so that when we start getting a few wins and
what I we say to people especially with any behavioral change it's important to
get anywhere from 3 to 10 wins 3 to 10 successes in whatever it is you're
working at within a certain frame of time this allows us to get comfortable
to not freak out to not get scared when we you know find resistance and so on so
that we can go ok this works so whether that's going up and approaching a woman
whether that's asserting yourself in a relationship whether that is going
through a tough challenge at your job or suddenly yourself in terms of a project
or with your boss or even starting to lose weight get in shape those types of
things we want to see the gains we want to see that this is working enough to
the point where we gain faith that this can happen so the next phase of this all
once we get that functionality right is we need to start gaining faith in the
process faith in the process means that we can have losses we can have setbacks
we will feel bad about them they will make us feel not confident make us feel
doubt make us feel all those things that might get triggered that comes to into
play with us wanting to to change you know it's like fuck man I'm this fat
dude or fuck man I'm this guy that always loses or or man I'm destined to
be lonely we may start thinking that but we also have faith in a process that
something is working this is very very important for behavioral change
so we're gaining faith in the process we're able to to lessen our fears by
that and that's one of these interesting things that one of the opposites of fear
is faith so if we start to have faith in something I don't mean this in a
religious context then we we lessen our fears about what we're feeling now
if we can know that the outcome may work then we don't ruminate or obsess or get
sidetracked by these things like like God man what if this happens off I get
rejected off this doesn't work what am I going to be and so on and so on but the
real thing that we ultimately need to get to is sense of self and this is the
real the real cherry on top for it okay the the sense of self is key because
ultimately confidence if we go back to that definition of what we want is being
able to be oneself among some of the greatest challenges of our life so being
able to be oneself when we have good things when we have bad things when we
have curveballs which life is going to do we're never gonna have a life where
we're not pressured as much as probably we already are right now we're never
going to have that you should look at your now your pain point of wanting to
change as your standard so that being said how do we get to know ourselves and
this is the most elusive part in really one of the hardest parts so getting to
know one's self means that you got to look at the pain you have to look at the
fear you have to look at the things that you doubt about yourself and you have to
look at why you know one of the questions I always ask people and what
you should ask yourself right now is to think about the thing which you're
afraid of most you know this could be not having money this could be rejection
and so on and then start thinking about what would happen if all of my greatest
fears happened who would I be what would that say about me what would that prove
and so if we really walk down this rabbit hole a little bit more is let's
say man if I lost my family this would be a terrible thing I don't want that
man it that's something that I could fear big-time I mean just thinking about
it now does not make me feel good but what would that say about me what would
that say and why do I fear it so much because it would make me sad for my kids
it would make me sad that I wouldn't have this emotional connection okay so I
don't have this emotional connection I don't have my kids around they're in
pain what does that say about me what does that say about my situation what
does it say about the things that I can change that are the expressions of me
perhaps it might say something like oh my god I've let my family down
perhaps it may say things like man I'm somebody that's unlovable perhaps I may
say things that I'm somebody that is irresponsible but perhaps it might say
that I am a failure and that this world that I've built was just a front or just
a thing that allowed me to not look at the reality of me and these are things
that all happen to us you know when we get challenged with pain we start
thinking of these things I want you to be able to go down those rabbit holes of
self because if we hide from them when we have things like rejection or
something doesn't work this is this is that kind of voice that this the deep
voice which gets triggered in us so ultimately we have to learn to be okay
with those things but the self isn't just the ability to deal with the
negative and it's not just the ability to deal with the positive it's the
ability to be the expression of you without the need of the high and low so
we should also look at our positives what are those how do we act when we
have something you know this is actually one of the things on our $60 a month
Club as that guy put it I'm just going to keep referring it to the MD
excellence as that but on the $60 a month Club you know Terrence one of the
guys in her Sunday call was talking about this a night man I firmly believe
this this is actually a thing that him and I sync up like so uniformly on he's
like you really want to see how fucked up a person is give them a million
dollars you know if you want to see the flaws in somebody give them success now
of course doesn't always bring the negative but when we have success how we
handle it what does that then say about us again if I got something where I got
a lot of validation of money or women or adoration or status or recognition for
something that I worked at how do I deal with it does this now mean I'm better
than people does it now mean that I can speak more assertively does it now mean
that I have you know the right now to do some new thing or have power over people
and so on what is this saying to me because this is all false this is a
reaction to an event this is a reaction to
either winning or losing and how I deal with it now don't get me wrong we should
be happy we should celebrate we should be affected by wins and losses in our
life that's very important to understand but we also need to realize there's a
difference between a celebration and you know being happy about something and
going through an emotional experience than an actual shaping of your identity
a shaping of you and fundamentally who you are those things like your personal
identity take a long time to change and transition and they do happen in they're
great and that's what we're talking about here we're talking about
confidence right so in looking at our wins and
looking at our losses examining those how we react to them how we respond to
them how we react and respond positively and negatively man one of the things
that we want to then get to is start to look at and analyze how we live normally
what are the things that keep us on track you know as this actually came up
was a guy got some wins in a one area of his life and he got some losses in other
areas of his life but he's walking out feeling good and I was telling him I'm
like man that is the fire you need to stoke that is the fire you need to keep
burning that's not the fire that you need to make raging that's the fire that
you need to keep alive because that's the fire that kills the darkness of
doubt that comes in your life when you have those like big highs and lows and
swings and all that other stuff so how do we maintain that that fire within us
how do we maintain our authenticity how do we maintain our expression of self
and this is done with the even keel so these are done through habits these are
done through recognition of our morals and personal philosophy and these are
done through our communities and this is super super important so human beings
and you know we're creatures of habit to so many degrees now I know a lot of
people like myself I'm like a creative person so I like to mix things up but
man I do pretty much the same thing every day and if I can start putting in
things that affect me in a better way that's key so things like meditation
things like family time things like you know the calls that I do the interaction
with my group things that keep me sane things that keep me on a good track of
life are key now another big part of that is community man that you are your
friends now I'm just gonna there's a bunch of videos I have on your five
closest friends and all that stuff and how much I dislike that phrase because
well watch those videos we'll put a link to them but one of the reasons why I
dislike it is because it somehow commodifies your friends that if I could
like you know have rich friends then I'm gonna be rich know what I'm talking
about is I value my community people around me are people that I number one
like but there are also people that usually do a lot of the things that I do
because I love to do them and in that hopefully there are people that try to
achieve a good spot in those and some of my friends that aren't big goal
achievers because so many of my friends are in the recovery scene or let's
rephrase that so their big goal achievers in some ways that aren't is
socially acceptable but they're not guys that are making a ton of money or those
types of things guys that are working in the recovery scene usually value
spirituality value time they spend with different people value things that don't
have as much to do with money and how much you make that even with that it's
it's an experience that I know what I value right I know that in that I'm
sharing I'm sharing time with somebody I'm nurturing an idea that I like I'm
nurturing something that that works with us and so here's where it really comes
into play when it comes to community we enter into in fact I learned this from a
guy in my community Fred the wheelchair Yoda Daphne Alabama I remember you man
but he he said this thing he's like man 13 years ago he went through a big life
change when he said this stopped in like 20 years but he's like 13 years ago I
knew how to be selfish and I was an asshole and now 13 years later I know
how to be selfish and be a good person so part of the interesting thing with
him of interacting with people was that he had this defect of wanting to better
himself but he went to any links to walk over people and screw people over for
that but then later in his life his personal value in order to to achieve
other people and his community he had to reciprocate with it he had to share his
desire to be better or be around people that had a certain viewpoint was fueled
by his community around him but that was dependent upon him putting this effort
in that so that's very important we walk into our communities we walk into our
five closest friends or whatever it is with the wrong idea oftentimes of how
can I get but really what we need to realize is how can we be a part of
something how can we fulfill this fundamental human need of connection in
order to bring out the greatest sides of ourself which also bring out the
greatest sides of other people and it's not the chicken or the egg they both
affect each other so whichever one you start with just make sure it's cycles
from you to them you to them but this also brings up our moral foundations so
one of the key points to getting into our authenticity is going to revolve
around this bedrock of what we believe in and part of the reason why we need to
know that is because when we get challenged those are usually the things
that go out the window but they're the things which stabilize us so this is one
of those things when we go to the guy who's going like man I don't have any
confidence I want to be better with women and and then you hear Steve Maia
he says like hey you know what you just need to be yourself or you need to be
the definition of confidence you need to be you independent of your situation you
need to be you and it doesn't matter about winning or losing it matters about
are you challenging yourself and can you still be yourself can you still be that
you like fuck man this is just like some common sexual bullshit fuck how do i how
do I get the thing how do I get the win show me how to get the win right and so
we don't see that because you know it's it's something so far away so this is
one of those things when we're talking about like man you know why are we
talking about this like a moral bedrock well this is one of the things we can
learn how to get wins you know that's what we do is a coaching service I mean
we we teach guys how to get wins this is a very important thing but one of the
things is is that you'll always see with any of the guys that go through our
programs is we don't obsess about the winds the winds aren't the highlight
that's part of the marketing that's part of the you
know you know pizzazz and the bright shiny flashing lights is to get those
wins but what we care about is can we be the man that carries those wins can we
be the man that can challenge himself you know in some of the the greatest
ways without having to change himself right so can we do that
well how we do that is we have an understanding of what we believe in this
is important because when we know what that is and we say man I love myself I
want to love myself I want to appreciate what honesty is well you know what if
you want to know what honesty is if you want to know what love is if you want to
know what self adoration is you want to know what community is if you want to
know what sharing or giving is if you want to know what principles are you
know if you want to know what honesty OpenMind is you want to know what
wiliness is then let's see let's see let's challenge those things let's learn
what those things are because a lot of the times when we don't define what
those things are through our life through our experience through our
actions guess what those things go out the window when we're challenged so I
may say man I value love I want this I deserve great people in my life I
deserve to be have these things cultivated and so on and then all of a
sudden the knock comes on the door and says Steve you lost your job or Steve
you haven't made the car payment we're taking it and I go fuck man this is
bullshit the world's against me fuck all this shit I'm gonna blame all these
people it's the problems outside of someone else outside of myself and it's
all these other things and we don't look at that value of whatever it is whether
that's love whether that's acceptance whether that's
open-mindedness and this is where we need to go back to
we can be pissed we can be angry we can be upset we can always be those things
but these are emotions our identity is fueled by our foundation our beliefs who
we are so let's exercise those beliefs all right fuck man I'm pissed I got this
in that blah blah blah blah blah everything's panicked okay what can I do
can I take some actions okay can I calm down can I reach out to my community and
then how do I get back to how can I be open-minded in this how can I have the
strength to do this how can I have the discipline to be myself
to be me within life's challenges cuz it's gonna challenge you you don't need
to find those challenges they're gonna challenge you it's gonna happen you're
living life that shit's gonna happen you're sitting on the couch maybe it's
not going to happen but if you're out there you're gonna be challenged
remember your standard should be your pain point how you're challenged right
now should be always how you're prepared to deal with stuff all right so that all
being said we need to have that foundation so in order to get to know
ourselves we need to have that moral foundation we need to build that get to
know it we need to have that awareness of self with wins and losses and our
even keel you know we need to be able to work with all these things that that
come up right and also the most important thing is is all of this must
be tested see we think that we can hack this or learn this but you can't there's
some degree where you have to experience those was brought up on the call is that
it's like so the only answer is then to be old well no you're going if you if
you gain some age you're gonna gain great wisdom and you're gonna gain a lot
of experience you're gonna gain confidence to that you're gonna gain all
this sort of stuff but when you have a community when you have some templates
to work you're still gonna feel pain you're
still gonna feel resistance but in order to gain confidence you can do it a lot
quicker when you have the right people around you but if you're not putting
yourself out there if you're not living you and what I mean by you I know every
guy out there you have big dreams you have big ambitions you know some of them
they might be out of your reach right now or they might be you you might
be like like man I'm never gonna be an NBA basketball player no matter how hard
I work I shit it's not gonna happen right I'm never gonna be a lot of things
some of those things just aren't gonna happen but the thing is is I need to
live what's in me my passions all right man I want to change the world you know
I'm starting to I was on a podcast the other day and the guy said like man it
seems so many guys that come to your industry don't have a sense of
altruistic beliefs that fuel them they have beliefs of fear of not getting
something so they're trying to get something I was like missed totally true
but for me I might have something where it's like I
to work in this area I want to grow in this area I want to share I want things
to be opened up I mean that's one of the reasons why we do this podcast is for
guys to have access points to being their best self and I want to be a part
of that so I can build a community of just awesome guys man and part of that
selfish because when I need you guys it's pretty badass man it's fucking
amazing so that all being said like I need to
activate that I need to live that I need to experience that I need to know what
it's like to win and lose in those areas I need to know what it's like to not
rely on blame or reactivity or angry flashes but get to manage my emotions
and feel them and not have them trigger points of armor for me to put up more
but then I need to also look at my morals my beliefs as a foundation of
what I can rely on and sometimes it's really hard to put pain on top of love
and think that it's gonna hold it's really hard to put loss or repetitious
failure on top of hope on top of acceptance and a lot of the times when
we look at some of these principles or beliefs to live by when you really start
defining them we start to look at man those are some of the weakest things if
I do that I might lose if I always accept man then people are gonna take
advantage of me then I'm gonna get screwed over again where's the real
story and again that's like that translation of men who are looking for
confidence and men who have confidence men who have confidence say things that
might not make sense to a guy who doesn't have confidence and when we're
saying things like have faith in your principles man that's where the strength
comes from and you've just got to live it to understand it you have to walk in
between those two paradigms of the guy that is seeking out confidence and the
guy that has it in order to understand that higher level stuff but man let me
tell you if you do not know yourself if you do not have a backbone of moral
beliefs or things of philosophies that you live by
and you get success you pour some sex on top of that you pour some money on top
of that you pour some adoration on top of that and that burns a fire of your
insecurities of more MORE I must have more because that that symbol whether
that's sex whether that's you know money whether that's like social adoration or
whatever it is that is all just a mask so you don't have to look at yourself
and that's not something that we support here in any case guys this is a
basically what we do here this is why we do the daily awesome podcasts to spread
the word of how guys can better themselves if you want to better
yourself man what you want to do is click the free stuff link down below you
can sign up for the primal drive you can sign up on our body weight basics you
can sign up on well there's many different things that we do physically
but also dating that's there and most importantly like I'd say man and the
excellence probably the best place to start because there's tons of content
but but the best part about it is there's calls there's calls like that we
have right now every Wednesday night we have them throughout the week and it's
literally over 20 hours of calls that you can plug into and get a great
perspective on life and work with an awesome community and that's the third
part of it is the the Facebook group the interaction there is just second to none
man it's one of the best things it's really the best deal in town it's it's
amazing I was just talking about this with the different people when we're
talking about marketing and all the stuff it's like man I don't know how we
created this it's just a perfect perfect mix of guys dedicated to working on
themselves constantly focused on that but then also being able to progress and
work with that range of the new guy coming in the guy that's at the same
level wherever that is for that person and then worked with the guys that are
that are on top who just really have that wisdom and experience it's a
beautiful thing so if you're looking for mens improvement and that's something
that you want you want to take it seriously
that's where I'd start you can find out more about it by clicking the free stuff
link down below and then clicking the MD excellence program description and all
that sort of different stuff in any case guys I'm getting back to this call Steve
my ATIS signing off you guys have a great day if you have any questions or
comments man just put them in the comment box down below or you can email
me and let's get started all right we'll talk to you guys later tonight
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