hey guys welcome to how not to suck at business and marketing I'm your host
Dana Sanchez and today we are going to be talking about online dating so you
might say Dana what does online dating have to do with
marketing and I will tell you everything absolutely everything online dating at
it's very core is personal branding it is marketing and so usually I think
there's been a pattern developing here I'll have something happened to me that
week this week or the week that I record these and I end up using them using a
story in my episode so this week strap in it's no different in fact I didn't
even want to talk about this today I kind of wanted to talk about it but I
didn't want to talk about it I feel like it's you know we're gonna kill some
sacred cows today but anyway so I'm single been single for about five years
and I'm doing the online dating thing and I know that's sort of like a
shouldn't tell it's like nobody wants to admit they're doing it but so many
people are doing it so I'm gonna admit that I am doing the online dating thing
I hate it I hate it I hate it I hate it I I honestly feel like you know
everybody says in their profile I'm just not a bar person I'm just I'm just not
into the bar scene and I'm like you know I kind of even though I don't drink I'd
actually prefer to do the online dating or to meet people the old-fashioned way
drinks and poor decisions but what my mom was single back in the 70s you know
on Saturday night she went to the Holiday Inn
she got all dolled up and the house smell good and from her perfume and she
got her clothes you know she's just so beautiful she looks so
good that all dolled up and she's gonna go to the holiday and she was in a good
mood so all the kids were to good mood and that's where you went to meet people
and to me I feel like that is a better way to do it because you know instantly
when you meet someone in person generally if you like them or you don't
like them so online that's it's hard to tell but so anyway here's my story so I
kind of stay online generally to do the online dating I say I hate it but I sort
of just do it because I feel like you know well if someone comes along that's
how they're gonna find me I don't want to not be found but then again I'm not
like super super active like I was maybe when I first was single and I just
didn't know any better so um okay so anyway here's what
happened so I met a guy online he seemed really
nice and we talked for awhile and exchanged a few messages and then we
agreed - he asked me out we were gonna go out to dinner we exchanged phone
numbers and this is one thing that I can give you a tip in online dating that'll
really help you is so what I do in online dating is - to save time is I
will a lot of times you can tell when when you talk with someone if you're
gonna be a match and so I tell people well I don't meet anybody until I talk
to them on the phone first and for women just a little just the girls the boys
please close your ears I also say you I'm not gonna meet you until you pass
the phone test and guys from a guy perspective girls they love that they
like oh the phone test where do I like their competitive juices get get flowing
so it's just a little this is a little tidbit there so you can use it but
anyway so we've been through all that and we we had a date schedule we
exchanged phone numbers actually I hadn't talked to him on the phone okay
let me digress it was somebody that was local he had just moved to my area
generally I saved myself a lot of time because most of people that if I do date
and I don't date very often but if I do they they live an hour away and so that
saves me a lot of time because then I can talk to them and decide whether or
not I like them so the phone test weeds out a lot of
contenders okay so anyway so this I didn't do that with this guy because it
was just like he's local it's not gonna I'm not gonna have to drive that much
far whatever and Dana you're probably doing it why do you drive why don't you
make them come to you well I live in a small town okay and I I would probably
know people I've actually been on first dates in my little small town and
unfortunately gone to a restaurant and like half of the town that are least
people I know are in there Oh nobody wants to have a first date in front of
their friends or their neighbors so anyway so we had a date and and then two
days before the date even though he has my phone number he messages me through
the online dating app and says hey Dana I had an emergency I have a family
emergency something came up it was the family emergency came up and
I have to I have to leave town I know he just moved here so from Nebraska so he
said I had to Tim it does suck so much Tim just get the guy delivered it great
I wish I wish and then he probably wouldn't be crate
trained so if I if I don't respond to your comments it's because I don't have
my glasses on why don't you have her glasses on Dana because there's too much
glare like is there glare hmm maybe distracting no okay I'll keep him on so
he sends me a message and says he has to he's terribly sorry he has to he's got
an emergency and he has to go back to Nebraska and he has to leave this
afternoon and he probably won't be back for a couple weeks immediately my BS
detector goes off and I think well he's he has my phone number why didn't he
call and I was like well and then he actually
changed like the city he was in he changed it to Omaha and I was like oh
well maybe he is back in Nebraska okay fine so anyway I just said that's fine
no problem I hope everything's okay and then he responds and he says it's it's
you know it's not that big of a deal it's not me it's not terrible but but
thank you you know really sorry about this like hmm so so then later on that
evening I was looking at my phone I opened up that the online dating app and
this car air freshener for Tim Lewis could you just listen to this please
thank you so later on that evening I open up the app and it and it shows him
online and it shows that he doesn't understand that he's got his location
services enabled so he says he's in Omaha but it shows him he's like 20
miles away from me now typically I don't call people out on stuff well yeah maybe
I do typically do it but my daughter tells me mom don't call don't do that
because how are you gonna feel just be prepared for the answer but you know
what anyone cancels on you it's like the worst feeling ever because you think you
know oh my gosh you know the is something I did something I said
something and didn't like the way I looked maybe saw me somewhere and you
know decided that I don't know I wasn't his type or whatever so it's just like
this overwhelming feeling of rejection and so I was just like you know what I'm
prepared for the answer I'm okay with it so I message him and I said hey um what
did I say Oh I said so what really happened how many
wives is he got I said so what really happened and and then he responded
and he said I chickened out he said I I've been married for 24 years and this
is all new to me I don't know what the heck I'm doing and I got scared and I
don't think I'm ready for dating and so I chickened out I'm really sorry
he says that I'm I'm sorry I'm just not ready and then I did something
aggressive and this is actually when it comes down to marketing so I won one
thing I do believe in marketing is that predictability equals boredom and I
think that too many times we whether we're doing online dating or we're on
social media or just texting people or something like that we kind of hide
behind this cloak of this isn't a real person maybe I don't really have to
answer I can say things that I wouldn't normally say if I was face to face with
this person so if you remember we did exchanged phone numbers so I picked up
the phone and called them yes I did and you know what I actually didn't expect
him to answer but I was just gonna leave him a nice little voicemail but he did
answer and he said he said hello and I said I didn't expect you to answer and I
kind of laughed and he said I almost didn't and I said you know I said his
name is Chad and you guys don't know him because he's just moved here like a
month ago so I said I said hey Chad I said um I
just I wanted to tell you that you know instead of apologizing for not being
ready maybe just apologize for just not being honest and and then I and then he
was like oh I'm so sorry you're right you're right and you know I just didn't
want him to kind of go down that path and and so I said it's because what
happens is when you're not honest with people you leave them to assume all
kinds of crazy things and left to our own devices
is you know we all we all view the world through the lens of our own insecurities
and so if I'm insecure about my teeth or I'm insecure about my hair or my height
or you know anything how much money I make what kind of car I Drive where I
live if someone rejects you and they don't tell you they just kind of give
you a BS excuse you're automatically going to assume it's whatever it is
you're insecure about that's what happened so I told him that I said you
know this is what happens when you don't tell the truth you leave people to
wonder and I mean not so much for me but maybe when you are ready to date you
know the next person the next person you meet online just just know that and you
know what we had the best discussion we had a great talk and he was just yes
Tim I'm a creepy stalker woman definitely and I even told him I said
I'm a creep but I will google you I will look at your profiles I will find things
about you out about you it saved me time also because I'm super nosy and creepy
so so online dating so yeah so he would he gave me a BS answered it here's
another thing too is that okay well let me finish my story so we had a but we
had a great discussion he said Dana I'm just lonely I'm like I
get it I get it you're lonely I understand I you know and we had a good
cry said I you know I've been divorced I know what lonely feels like and he had
just moved to town so he doesn't have any friends he doesn't know anybody and
so we had a really good discussion and a really good talk and I just in torte and
I said well I gotta go I've got to take some food over to a friend of mine he's
getting surgery on her teeth this week and I made her a little jell-o salad and
um and he said you know Dana this is so crazy nobody would do that who picks up
the phone and like calls me out on something or just does that and I'm
like this girl I do probably why I'm still single and actually how I what I
said to him was like I said Chad I just wanted to model for you what a healthy
interaction looks like pick up the phone call them and you know what we ended it
on a good note and I felt better because I didn't think you know he assured me
that it wasn't you know wasn't me and in it and it's something that you know it
doesn't matter how confident you are an online-dating you know people can reject
you in business but as soon as they reject you when they reject you online
it's like they're rejecting you personally you know and it is but the
thing is is that what he was rejecting me for had it really did have nothing to
do with me nothing and you know what quite often
it really doesn't oh the worst is when people ghost or block exactly okay so
the truth is easier to remember so here's the thing Tim I so agree with you
so when people ghost you I hate hate hate this is just even even making a BS
excuse and I told this guy I told him I said you know that your location
services are enabled so I I pretty much know geographically you're only like 20
miles from me and he was like oh my god I didn't know that I mean he was so
green you know and I said no they they are and I noticed that you changed your
location on your screen to Omaha but you're clearly still in Sedalia so but a
bullshit answer is actually a ghosting is actually worse I feel like that or
maybe they're the same thing I don't know but ghosting is is terrible and
guys look I get why you do that I get why yes Jimmy it sucks it sucks it
sucks I love my money so I never get lonely Jimmy there's more to life than
money money can't love you back so
ghosting you know we would never do that to people in person you know ghosting
ghosting is terrible and guys I get I get why you're like that you think I I
feel like guys especially or maybe girls too
I don't want to hurt their feelings I know I wasn't attracted them I don't
know how to tell them that so here's a tip if you're not attracted to them
you've met instead of just disappearing and never seeing anything just text the
girl or call them and say hey listen I had a really good time with you I don't
know I I'm getting more of a friendship vibe from us so but I wanted to thank
you for spending time with me and I really enjoyed our conversation I think
you're a great person and you're attractive but I just get a more of a
friendship vibe now if they turn out to be crazy
block them just block them if they start being all drama and emotional fine just
block them but that goes for girls too don't ghost guys don't ghost people stop
it just tell them I just feel like we're more friends I feel like I am getting
more of a friendship vibe what's the worst case scenario that you actually
have a friend you know generally you don't stick around and become friends
but you know could happen so personal branding 101 on the island online dating
don't hide behind that actually you know he was kind of embarrassed when I called
him because I I started out with hey you know we're both adults here
maybe shall we and he's like yeah but we're acting like school like middle
schoolers and I said I said well one of us is
that'd be you um the one he said but then he got real vulnerable he's like
Dana I'm just really lonely and was married for 24 years and you know and it
wasn't too much therapy Tim because actually I I got off the phone pretty
quick because I'm also don't wanna be sucked into that you know I'm not your
person that you get to complain to and I really don't want to be friends like I
don't need more friends I've got lots of friends so but personal branding guys
key guys and girls keep in mind the message that you're sending out and by
message I mean your profile pictures and what you write let make them honest as
honest as possible I mean like mine aren't like I don't show like my worst
side like like this is my that side of my hair that I hate and I don't bend
over so that my stomach is sticking out when I take pictures but keep them
recent and don't make them like this I I've had guys pictures that are like
like they're like they've got this question on their face like what what is
this this is your best foot forward this is what you're giving me goodness my
phone's about to fall that's why I'm so yeah but another marketing tip from the
online dating thing is that again predictability equals boredom be
different be predictable don't or be unpredictable
pick up the phone guys call them don't spend endless hours texting don't always
talk about yourself talk about them ask them questions and not questions so you
can get their password I got those too why are you asking me what first concert
I went to why are you asking me my first dog's name hmm
might this be - be a scam but he acts like he likes me so much mmm
so anyway that's my two cents I see a lot of comments my favorite is creepy
stalker woman thank you Tim I wear that like a badge of honor
and dating online or not sucks I agree Robert I agree it does suck it
suck suck suck suck suck scuzz it's just so much energy and guys please wouldn't
in gross - but mostly guys when you go out and when you commit to do a date
don't cancel and if you cancel pick up the phone and call that person you guys
don't realize how much girls go through to get ready for a date even if it's
somebody that I don't even think I'm gonna like and typically I won't go out
with him if I don't think I'm gonna like them but I'll still get ready because I
want to put my best foot forward and I start planning my outfit and I work a
little bit extra hard on my hair and maybe put eyeshadow on instead of you
know so it's something that we look forward to so if you're gonna cancel
have the balls to pick up the phone and do so boom but don't and you know what
when you're on a date with somebody make it even if you don't like that person or
you know it's more of a friendship thing commit that you're gonna show them a
good time not sexually all the guys would be like cash so it's a good time
um but just like you know what we're here let's have fun what well you know
what could it hurt so I think that was it gosh I really went off on a tangent
thank you guys for listening to me I am the type of person that does we'll call
it call you out on stuff and I said maybe maybe I'm that's why I'm single I
don't know I'd rather be single and be honest so again it's not for the faint
at heart but make sure your brand matches up with
your profile don't write that you're funny be funny
just be yourself because you're enough right
show good pictures decent pictures show your teeth because we all wonder if your
teeth suck even if it's uncomfortable smiling even if you put in the profile
hey my teeth are fine I just don't like to smile with them that's fine because
it's something that we all wonder and yes Tim be yourself what is your
mother's maiden name yeah oh gosh you want to know so much about me well my
mother's maiden name is this dear Lord um yeah be yourself
I like to explore creepy abandoned places definitely you know what Jimmy
some people do and you'll find the match that does if you like to explore
yeah why hide it and oh can I say one more thing please for the love of God
don't say I work hard I play hard oh that's so predictable that's terrible I
work hard and I play hard do you do you you and everybody else dinner a movie or
two cliche definitely but also dinner movie are too cliche I don't want to sit
in a movie with a perfect stranger like I don't want to sit there in a movie
with them look cute take shovel on your date's Jimmy Jimmy I'd like you to meet
my friend Tim Tim this is my classmate from high school Jimmy so there you go
that's funny um anyway be yourself don't hide behind the phone so much once you
get a girl's number a caller and realize that online dating or social media or
whatever that's your personal brand I'm not in business so what I'm not in sales
so what it's every nowadays everything's online anyway so be aware of your
personal brand and instead of saying what you are just be what you are so be
funny say something funny don't say I'm funny
Oh alright guys that's it for today thanks
for all the interaction if you like this I'm kind of thinking maybe of doing like
a and once a month do an online dating thing episode I have some great stories
god they're more they more you know self-depreciating really so anyway and
if you'd like to share some stories I'd be happy to have you on here thank you
so much for watching i'm dana sanchez don't suck at online dating be amazing i
love you guys i will talk to you soon
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