The internet is a cesspool.
Every comment section is the same,
s**tposting right wing trolls and leftist social justice warriors at each other's throats.
The divisions are threatening to destroy the foundations of society as we know it.
But could they jump start your love life?
Hi, I'm Kim Sanders, founder of HateF**k Dating - the first internet dating site for the outrage era.
HateF**k is simple.
Just create a profile and download our browser add-on.
Then browse the internet as usual.
And once you start commenting on the news stories, our algorithm will scan for key terms.
[SJW] Oh my god, The Last Jedi wasn't for you, it was for the little girl who always wanted to grow up and be a Jedi.
If you weren't such a patriarchal oppressor, maybe you could see that.
[S**TPOSTER] WTF?! Nobody grows up to be a Jedi.
Plus, Rey wasn't even a real Jedi, she's just a lame Mary Sue.
And don't get me started on Admiral Gender Studies with the pink hair,
or that pointless Asian chick!
[SJW] Oh my god, why bring race into this, you basement dwelling bigot!
[S**TPOSTER] I'm just stating a fact you feminazi SJW hag!
[KIM] And once enough terms trigger our system, you'll get a HateMatch notification.
From there, you'll have two hours to meet up
and hatef**k each other right out of your respective echo chambers.
Now I know what you're thinking.
'Why would I want to have sex with someone I despise? That sounds disgusting.'
Sure, maybe it sounds disgusting.
But it feels amazing.
Scientific studies show that talking out your differences
leads to happy resolutions for both parties only 31% of the time.
But f**king out your differences?
That leads to a happy resolution a whopping 94% of the time.
It's easier to f**k and accept than it is to argue and hate.
[SJW] I'll never understand why his computer is filled with Pepe memes.
[S**TPOSTER] And I'm sorry, but Samantha Bee just isn't funny.
[SJW] But we make it work. What can I say?
[S**TPOSTER] Yeah, somehow, after a good hard hatef**k,
all that stupid s**t we thought we cared about just doesn't seem to matter anymore.
[SJW] Yeah, it's weird how that works.
[OIL LOBBYIST] I've spent years making sure the fossil fuel industry
can operate freely without the constraints of nonsensical environmental regulations.
So, color me shocked that a dirty hippie would be the only guy sensitive enough to get me off.
[HIPPIE] I mean, she protects oil executives who make billions of dollars
destroying our Earth.
But, like, if you f**k someone with enough hate in your heart,
eventually you'll find out that we all have beautiful souls.
[DEMOCRATIC SOCIALIST] He still doesn't care about families being torn apart at the border.
[PROUD BOY] And all she does is whine about families
being torn apart at the border...
But when I look into her eyes while I'm hatef**king her, I see her, you know?
[KIM] And those are just a few examples of Hatef**k Dating's thousands of satisfied customers.
No matter what you're arguing over,
it's almost always a shorter road than you think from battle lines drawn to bedroom lines crossed.
[SJW] It's actually kind of refreshing to talk to a guy who sticks up for himself
and doesn't just tell me what he thinks I want to hear!
[S**TPOSTER] And I don't even listen to Jordan Peterson every day anymore,
'cause I get my sense of self-worth knowing that an actual woman finds me sexually attractive.
It goes against all logic, but what can I say?
The heart wants what the heart wants.
[SJW] Plus, we do have some things in common.
We both like the same music. We like Jay-Z, Beyonce...
[S**TPOSTER] Kanye.
[SJW] I'm sorry, what? Kanye?
'Slavery is a choice' Kanye?
[S**TPOSTER] Well, I think he was making a broader point...
[SJW] Oh my god, f**k you!
[S**TPOSTER] Oh, f**k you.
[SJW] F**k you! [S**TPOSTER] F**k you!!
It's gonna be a fun night.
[KIM] It can be hard to find love in today's divisive culture.
But it sure ain't hard to find hate.
Play the odds - sign up today!
HateF**k Dating.
(music)
[LOU] Hey, I'm Lou Perez with We The Internet TV.
We're the channel that makes fun of everyone.
Including you!
Yeah, you! I see you, you're next.
And you'll never see it coming...
Unless you subscribe to our channel.
In which case, you'll totally see it coming, Paul.
Melissa.
Dad.
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