If you're worried that you're dating Cruella DeVille and your boo's (boyfriend or girlfriend) is about to
skin you alive and turn you into a skin jumpsuit with nips you have come to the
right place. I'm about to drop on you the seven signs that you are dating and
toxic twotsickle (idiot) I'm Ang and welcome to SS101. If it is your first time don't worry
I'll be gentle, and also guys please subscribe I post
every single Tuesday and don't forget to give this video a thumbs up if it hits
you in all the right places. Now, before I go on to the seven signs that you are
datings a toxic lover I do want to talk about something that I think that we can
get caught up in. The reason it is a little bit difficult to see it in our
own relationships and easier for us to see in our friends is because it tends
to be a bit of a slow burn. These people are really clever manipulators and the
difficult thing with that is, is that it happens over an extended period of time.
They create these environments where you become like a junkie vying for your next
hit. So, they create an environment where you need to look for their approval,
their attention, their love, and they use these things against you to control you
in future. So anyway, these are the seven signs and I hope that they help you find
a break in your relationship and also guys if you have any other suggestions
please write them below because I want you to shed some light on another poor
love who may be facing the same thing so here goes.
Number one - Conditional love and compliments so this one is one that we
all do in small amounts and this is something that I want you to pay
attention to. What it is, is it's consistently inconsistent. So before I go confusing you,
I will drop some psychology on you. This is a behavioral
psychology tactic, where what you do is when someone does something you give
them positive reinforcement to increase the probability of that behavior
occurring again. What does that actually mean, right? Think of it this way, when you
toilet-train your pet, you give them treats when they go in the right place.
All this is, is your treats for doing something that they want you to do is
their attention or love or or whatever. That's what you need to pay attention to.
This is only when you are doing something that they want you to do and
that's where you've got to look at the the consistently inconsistent. If they
are consistently only giving you attention when
you're behaving, you know, like a good little puppy - then that's when you need
to pay attention. Number two - They are never wrong. These people seem to know
everything about everything, they're experts and if you ever dare - which how
dare you ever dare - to challenge them or question them or disagree with them on
anything they'll meet you with something that is completely entirely passive
aggressive like "well everyone I've ever spoken to agrees with me" and it makes
you doubt yourself it makes you question who you are and what you think and also
you may find yourself not questioning them because you want to just keep the
peace because if you do it causes a huge argument. The biggest thing here that I
want you to pay attention to; if someone is not building you up and they're just
breaking you down then you need to check yourself in the relationship and maybe
just run far far far away. Number three - They only said it because they were
angry but they didn't mean it because they were angry. Okay this relates
entirely to arguments, what these people do is they go into arguments not to
resolve the issue but to actually break you down or to hurt you then they'll
come back and say oh no I didn't mean it I only said it because I was angry. The
thing with this is that these people are just upset or they're just sorry because
it hurt you not because they didn't mean what they said and if you've ever said
anything in a relationship in the heat of the moment it usually is because you
actually mean it deep down or there are unresolved issues there and so the
question that you need to ask yourself here is why would someone want to be
with you or why would you want to be with someone who you then want to hurt
that badly or break down that badly? I mean, the thing is we see our lovers
often, more often than not, in this all-holy light like they are just magical
creatures and it's because we want to see them that way we want them to be
what we want them to be and that can cloud our ability to be able to look at
the actual facts of it which is why do they want to destroy us and this is the
biggest thing with these toxic people what I was saying were consistently
inconsistent if they give you all this love and then they break you down that
is consistently inconsistent with their affection and their love and their doing
that as a controlling tactic. Number four - they use sex to control.
Now, there's a few ways that this can go they can either give you sex
if you've been a good puppy, or abstain from it, or something that I see a lot of
which is using guilt in order to get sex. Now the biggest key here is sex should
never be used as a bargaining chip unless both parties are aware of it and
it's a bit of fun or its trade off or whatever but the thing is sex should
never be used as a bargaining chip in a relationship it should never be used in
any form of psychological manipulation no matter what the circumstances are and
also guys it can stay with you long after this relationship has died. These
zombie of this relationship sex tactics may stay with you long term and affect
your future relationships so always be careful guys when sex is used in a
manipulative way to be able to encourage your increase or stop it occurrence from
happening. Why am i stuttering? Number five - I'm not allowed to. Okay this
one's really weird to me because it's almost like you're 12 years old again
and you've got to ask your parents if you can go and have a sleepover at a
friend's house. Yeah. What will happen is in the early stages of relationships I
mean we all want to spend time with our new BAE I mean it's amazing and it's
great we love them and by whatever bullshit bullshit. Yeah. So that's
fantastic but then what happens is when you want to go and spend time with your
squad you get greeted with guilt or they want to one-up you or they just want to
start a fight with you before you go out the whole thing here is and this should
get a lot more attention than it does this is a really big warning sign for
long-term psychological or physical abuse. The biggest thing that people do
you who are controlling or toxic is they try to cut you off from anyone and
anything that makes you feel independent, that brings you independence, and this
happens with your friends and family. The worst part of this is it does occur so
slowly and what they will try to do is they'll isolate you so that you feel as
though they are the only person in your life that can offer you support. So when
they do break you, when they are consistently inconsistent with their
love, then they are the ones that comfort you and hurt you. See how that's a little
bit counterproductive. Number six - The blame game. Every single time you go to
them with any problem in a relationship or any constructive criticism
it is your fault, in fact, you are the one who's being ridiculous and they probably
have said to you maybe once or twice or more than that that their ex never
complained about it, or some other ridiculous comment like that that makes
you question what you're saying because you know you're the one who's being
absurd, right? Studies have shown that insecure people are a lot less likely to
take responsibility for the bad things that happen in their life than secure
people and you'll find with toxic individuals is that what they do is they
then blame everyone else for their problems it just doesn't happen in the
relationship if anything goes wrong in their life it's not their fault because
hey you know they're perfect right and this is where it gets really problematic
for you you can't really fix problems you can't speak to them you can't
resolve things because you're so busy trying to cater for their ego and you
know where is it gonna end with that one? When it comes to ego, that brings me to
number seven which is narcissistic nonsense. Now, this is a really big one
what you get with these toxic individuals or controlling people is
that they will vomit up on to you all of this narcissism, this egomaniac behavior
will usually occur when you're being a boss and winning in your life, or feeling
independent, or feeling awesome. Once again I said it before if people are
trying to break you down instead of building you up don't walk away don't
step away run run far far away from these people because they are so
dangerous to your mental health, to your confidence, to your self belief, to
everything that makes you who you are and that will keep you thriving
throughout your life regardless of whether or not they're in it. The problem
with these narcissistic people is they'll remind you of how many people
want them and how lucky you are if you were really that lucky you wouldn't need
reminding because you would know it yourself. This all comes from really
really heavy lot of insecurities and issues on their behalf this is where I
want you to be really careful. I know that you want to put on your little cape
and go and rescue them but this is for them to rescue themselves. The problem
with this is if they keep getting rescued by everyone else they're never
going to resolve any of these problems and then they're gonna keep treating
people - wonderful people like you - in a really negative way. I really hope that
this helps you avoid any dodgy relationships and also guys if you have
anything to add please write it in the comments below and don't
forget to subscribe I will see you next Tuesday bye
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