there is no rulebook there is no you know thing that you open up and say okay
okay when's the right time to start dating again how am I supposed to feel
when am I allowed to smile again when am I allowed to laugh again
and thanks so much for tuning into our second half with Paige and
Silke for your second act of life here we are
oh we're getting used to this it's actually sitting side by side yeah versus being
on skype we're in my home studio today finishing up some other to our digital
learning products that we're really excited about and you know we'll talk
more about that at another time but again continuing on with our emotional
health series and addressing some of the many comments and questions that we've
received from viewers on this topic one of which is you know hey you guys talked a
lot about dating after 50 and started finding loving you and etc etc and we've
you know focusing on divorce and that that sort of thing but what about if you
lost your significant other yeah meaning it died you know somebody passed
transitioned and that's a whole other topic giving yourself permission to go
out there again Paige how how is that different and and and how do you advise
somebody well let me just say that this is not a cookie cutter it's not a one
size fits all so if you happen to be watching our show and you've had the
unfortunate thing of your loved one dying first of all I I feel for you so
deeply it's one of the hardest things to go through and you know there is no
rulebook there is no you know thing that you open
up and say okay okay when's the right time to start
dating again how am I supposed to feel when will the grief end when am I
allowed to smile again when am I allowed to laugh again because let's face it it
also depends on how the person died whether it's a long drawn-out illness
long drawn-out terminal illness a very quick death the car accident you know
heart attack whatever it might be it makes the difference as to how the grief
hits you as well so just know that there is not one way to grieve and there is
not one way to decide to step back into life and date again so I guess the
biggest thing that I can say is you have to make sure that you honor your grief
you have to make sure that you give yourself and allow yourself the time to
grieve and I would also highly recommend working with somebody you know who works
with grief to help you get through the very complex emotions that go with grief
because if you don't and I've seen this a lot if you jump right into dating
because you don't want to be in the depth of grief grief follows you like
gum on a shoe it will not leave you and if you're trying to date it's not gonna
be a real authentic kind of thing because you're running from the pain and
maybe you run from the pain in the beginning and you're dating in the
beginning and then you take a step back and say wait a minute
I can't do this I really do have to feel the pain because running will only last
so far well and there's another part to to that I've actually observed in
several friends of mine recently you know and as we all know this happens
more and more the older we get out is really what will others think mm-hmm you
know what will my friends that and into where there is guilt associated with you
know starting to date again how what how what would you advise on that that's why
it's so important to work with a professional through grief because
there are going to be times especially if you have adult children when do I
bring the person that I'm dating into meeting my adult children my gosh I'm
like don't children find out that I'm dating
how will they feel my gosh our group our community that always used to hang out
together and my significant others not there how are they going to be with
someone else coming in what are the comments gonna be like it comes down to
being within your truth that's why it's so important to work with somebody and
really know have your knowing as to when you're ready to date and if this someone
you really care about you have to be open to your adult children to your
family members to your friends around you of how important this is in your
life because everybody now has to get used to this different person there are
different characteristics they're different energy they're just different
they're not who you were with before and that takes change and that takes time
and and that's a big transition but you have to be ok with allowing yourself to
speak up about something that feels uncomfortable or if others are you know
giving comments to you that aren't really loving and kind
especially you will get people giving you comments that have never experienced
what you've gone through so they don't understand until they walk in your shoes
so remember that as well so that makes sense Silke no it does I would add to that
from the opposite end that you might just be surprised how happy other people
are for you as well especially when they saw what you know like the long term
illness anything like that you've gone through so much and you don't you think
that life is over then it's too late that you couldn't imagine being with
somebody else and all of a sudden you know you find but you do you find you
know that that's somebody and you're happy for that person that they are able to do
that again yeah because I always make you
it's never too late so many times people will say to me that was my soulmate and
I need to tell you that we can have many different soul mates and they feel a
little bit different but try and be open to the different kind of love and the
depth that you can have with somebody else because you know what you're not
dead yet and you don't have to live like you're dead so I give you full
permission to step in and date again live again well on that note we'll see
you next time on our second act with Paige and Silke for your second act of
life bye bye bye
glad you were able to join us today I hope you found this information helpful if there's other topics that you like to see us cover in
the future please drop us a line go to our website 2ndact.TV there's
a suggestion box in the upper right hand corner we'd love to hear from you and
see what your thoughts are see you next time bye bye
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